In cybersecurity, if it isn't one thing, it's another 14.4 billion things that'll get ya. That's about how many Internet of Things (IoT) devices will proliferate globally by the end of the year, according to some analyst estimates.

As a body, this is arguably one of the most rapidly spreading and poorly secured threat surfaces on the planet -- the joke is that in IoT, the "S" stands for security. And for a category of devices that bill themselves as "smart," it's full of an awful lot of pretty dumb concepts for objects that don't really have any business being connected to the Internet. 

For every useful IoT platform running things like remote windmills or saving lives in a hospital, there are dozens more connected toilet seats and water bottles cluttering up the world's networks. What's more, many of even the most useful IoT devices come with a ton of unintended security and privacy consequences due to a lack of security by design, poorly secured connections, and a lack of consideration or care over how the data produced by them is used and shared.

So, in honor of Cybersecurity Awareness Month, the Dark Reading crew thought it was only fitting to roast the types of IoT devices that are most likely to make security and privacy people cringe. We'll poke a little fun and maybe even offer a serious take or two on why these devices are insecure, bizarrely impractical, or just downright creepy in the kind of data they collect about our lives and our businesses.